No, I haven't given up.

Its been a long 5 months since I started this blog.
That sore throat that sucked so bad turned into pneumonia.
And having some undetermined genetic immune disorder, sick always equals eternal plague.  i simply don't get better, for long stretches at a time.  So every week or two i'd take a few days and make a shot at getting back on track, just to end up on the couch (oh yes, since about march when the weather turned, there's been some mysterious invisible bug that only bites me, and only when i sleep in my bed, living in my house.  since most of this region is glorified swamp land, it's most likely some form of mite. but now i live on the couch) dying again.

Starting today, I was up to 269.2 pounds.
My dear friend G. and I have restarted our monthly challenges with each other.  Of course, she has 30 pounds to go.  I have 130.  it doesn't really seem equal.  but if life was fair, i wouldn't have been born the fat kid in the first place, right?

i need to accept that i can't do it all at once.  i've been back using my treadmill on a fairly regular basis (the baby's dad started a 2nd job, so he's almost literally never here, freeing up my 800$ clothing rack to return to its spot of glory as a torture/workout device) -- and this months challenge agreement was jillian michael's 30 day shred.

i almost wanted to cry.  last year, this time, i could do all 3 of the 30 minute workouts on that video.  i mean, sure they hurt.  sure i wanted to die. but i *could* do them.  today, the easiest of the 3 required me to modify multiple exercises and to drop my weights a few times.  it feels like, once again in my life, i am starting over from scratch.  15 years ago, i didn't mind.  i'd move and leave everything i owned behind.  pack a bag and just go.  these days, facing a major restart in 9 months when my son turns 3, its really discouraging to have to restart anything else.  *anything*.

but i didn't cry and i didn't scream, and after the 30 minutes i still did my 30 minute c25k routine on the treadmill.  didn't eat great today, had spaghetti with greasy meat sauce and stole some of my son's chicken nuggets too.  even ate a few of his oreos. (2.5 to be exact.)  but i did have fruit and a mostly-lettuce turkey sandwich for lunch, and i did track my calories.

also only had 2 cups of coffee today, instead of my normal 5ish.  which may explain why its 10pm and i'm ready to pass out.  (sad fact of insomnia, you are *always* ready to pass out, and you can almost never do it, unless its a highly inappropriate time, like when you're kid has just gotten up from his nap and wants to play. then, inevitably you will fall asleep immediately.)

i am really looking forward to some of these health issues declining with the weight.  because i know for a fact a year ago my insomnia was under control, my plague issues were greatly decreased, i had a lot more energy.  all those wonderful things you always hear promised in mid-night weight loss commercials, in fact.

oh well, we'll see where it goes from here!